Note: This review is part of the 2016 Summer Reading Diversity Spotlight.

Not My Father’s Son by Alan Cumming
Narrated by Alan Cumming
Release Date: October 7, 2014
Publisher: Dey Street Books / HarperAudio
Genre: Memoir
ISBN: 978-0062225061
Running Time: 6 hours and 28 minutes
Source: Library
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In his unique and engaging voice, the acclaimed actor of stage and screen shares the emotional story of his complicated relationship with his father and the deeply buried family secrets that shaped his life and career.

A beloved star of stage, television, and film—“one of the most fun people in show business” (Time magazine)—Alan Cumming is a successful artist whose diversity and fearlessness is unparalleled. His success masks a painful childhood growing up under the heavy rule of an emotionally and physically abusive father—a relationship that tormented him long into adulthood.

When television producers in the UK approached him to appear on a popular celebrity genealogy show in 2010, Alan enthusiastically agreed. He hoped the show would solve a family mystery involving his maternal grandfather, a celebrated WWII hero who disappeared in the Far East. But as the truth of his family ancestors revealed itself, Alan learned far more than he bargained for about himself, his past, and his own father.

With ribald humor, wit, and incredible insight, Alan seamlessly moves back and forth in time, integrating stories from his childhood in Scotland and his experiences today as a film, television, and theater star. At times suspenseful, deeply moving, and wickedly funny, Not My Father’s Son will make readers laugh even as it breaks their hearts.

***

I remember the first time I saw Alan Cumming on film. Truly saw him and felt his energy transcend off the screen. I was a child and I was mesmerized. I didn’t know the term, “spirit animal” then but if I did, I would have said he were mine. I knew that there was something special about him that I could relate to but not until many years later would I discover why. Because of this connection I’ve always felt towards him, reading his memoir seems natural. So…where to begin?

Well. There are many celebrities who have come out as lesbian or gay but not nearly as many who have come out as bisexual and I think Alan Cumming is the first celebrity I ever discovered was bisexual. And while this memoir isn’t really about his sexuality or romantic life, he does touch upon a few things so it is worth noting because this acknowledgement, this representation matters.

As far as the celebrity part goes, Alan does give us a brief look (both the glamorous side and not so glamorous side) behind the veil of his stage and screen career and much that comes with it. Certain few parts may come off as a bit vain but that’s to be expected when you know that you’re a celebrity. No matter how humble you are, this is the world that you live in. So. I get it. This is the only POV he has and can share. He’s genuine about all of it. And again, that’s not the focus of this book.

The focus of this book is family. Family and truth and lies and the dysfunction and destruction that come because of it. This memoir follows Alan Cumming’s painful relationship with his emotionally and physically abusive father, taking us back in time as we follow Alan growing up and forth to the present day (2010) as he traces his genealogy to find out the truth about one family mystery. He ends up finding a lot more than he ever imagined he would.

Discovering the true (and stunning) story of his grandfather’s death was just one of many surprises for Alan. What started as an innocent and exciting adventure to be taped for the TV show, Who Do You Think You Are? ended up being so much more. What a journey. A journey that I have so many words for and yet none to write down here.

Listening to the audiobook, which Cumming himself narrates felt like listening to someone pour out their heart and soul which had been shattered so, so often by one person (his father) and rebuilt higher and higher, stronger and stronger by Alan as the years went on.

This is a story about abuse and depression and deceit. It’s about anxiety and the enormous impacts that a single person can have on another’s life. It’s about finally letting go of harmful and damaging relationships, standing up and ridding one self from toxicity. It’s about finding a way to swim away from the person trying to drag everyone around them down to drown with them.

This memoir is absolutely heartbreaking. For some, it might be triggering. For others, it might be reassuring. Others, it might be both. This is not an easy memoir to read. But it needs to be out there so that people can know that this (abuse and deception) is not okay and here’s why.

Here’s what can and has happened before. Just one of many scenarios. Here’s why we need to talk about mental health and be more open with our families, with ourselves. What a memoir this is. So necessary. So, under the radar from what I can tell as I don’t remember seeing much promo for this when it released last spring. So I’ll leave you by saying that if you feel this memoir is something that you should read, it probably is.

Not My Father’s Son by Alan Cumming is available today.