Will you marry me?
Whether you’ve answered this question before, whether you’ve always dreamed of getting married or never dreamed of getting married, there’s a book out there that’s quite enlightening for us all. You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up: A Love Story by Annabelle Gurwitch and Jeff Kahn is a very honest and candid memoir following Annabelle & Jeff from the moment Jeff had his mind set on her more than 13 years ago all the way to the jealousy formed through the good ol’ Facebook wall in 2009.
After thirteen years of marriage, Annabelle Gurwitch and Jeff Kahn have found, “We’re just not that into us.”
Instead of giving up, they’ve held their relationship together by ignoring conventional wisdom and fostering a lack of intimacy, using parenting as a competitive sport, and dropping out of couples therapy. The books includes their moving yet unsentimental account of the medical odyssey that their family embarked upon after their infant son was diagnosed with VACTERL, a rare series of birth defects. Annabelle and Jeff’s unforgivingly raw, uproariously funny martial memoir proves that in marriage, all you need is love—and a healthy dose of complaining, co-dependence, and Pinot Noir.
Serving up equal parts sincerity and cynicism, their he said, she said memoir is sure to strike both laughter and terror into the hearts of any couple (not to mention every single man or woman who is contemplating the connubial state).
You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up is one of the most entertaining books you will read this year. I knew going in that reading a book written by 2 Hollywood writers would be entertaining but this went beyond my expectations. Maybe it is because I don’t see myself getting married, just as Annabelle once did yet if I did, I would be more hands on all around like Jeff (in regards to holidays, friendly gestures, and ya know, being romantic). So the he said/she said format was a very smart move because their individual personalities really shine through as opposed to co-writing a relationship book with no indication of who has written what parts.
The format used really gives readers insight into why their relationship is the way it is and what to expect from them until death do them part…or until they split (which if they do, we will know why after reading the book)! Talk about a love story. Though aside from the comedic tone (it’s quite hilarious!), it is very touching to read about their journey thus far, which is divided into chapters on how they met, moving in together, sex, relationships with the in-laws, raising a child with VACTERL, discussing what they don’t like (and ultimately tolerate…I mean love) about each other in therapy, and so much more.
To remind the readers that they are not reading a fiction story that could be a romantic comedy show on HBO or Showtime, very interesting relationship facts are shared at the end of each chapter and there is a quote (sometimes funny, sometimes profound) that introduces each chapter. Though there was one TMI moment in the book, when the two began to discuss the birth of their son and what they were surprised to find. I don’t have a problem being educated on medical conditions but I’m pretty sure Ezra would not want the world to know that he was born without a ________.
Also, no matter what the topic at hand, Jeff has no problem bringing it right back to what’s really on his mind. Sex. This made it quite hard to read next to my younger sister when sitting next to her in the car…as I was holding the book so close together I could barely read it, for fear she would look over, see the word, “pussy,” and ask me what in the world I was reading. In all seriousness though, this book really does not enforce any reason why I don’t want to get married, nor does it encourage me to change my mind to get married. It is a simple yet very detailed storytelling of one couple’s fascinating and challenging journey. What a compromising, I mean content, I mean lovely journey it is.
You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up by Annabelle Gurwitch and Jeff Kahn is available in bookstores now.